'Dear Democrats' by John Roberts
Amanda Marcotte has written a nice letter entitled 'Dear Democrats.' A self-proclaimed optimist, she says the confirmation of John Roberts is a given, but "that in no way means that he should go without a fight." She wishes to drag him through the mud and expose "the fact that the Republicans, including the President, are a bunch of far-right wingnuts who are beholden to Bible-thumpers who are single-handedly determined to ruin the lives of average Americans by taking away, first and foremost, the right to privacy that ensures that we can live as we choose."
Kind of dismal words from an optimist. Anyhow, in the spirit of debate, I found a letter written by John Roberts to Democrats. Please enjoy but realize it is satire.
Dear Democrats,
All that you hold true and dear is not the same that I hold so. I do not seek to overturn Roe v. Wade but I do wish to grant a father to have rights again in this country. Why does a woman have more rights in bearing a child than a man? Does it not take male sperm to create a baby too? You introduce the term "criminalize ordinary women." I'll introduce the term "criminalize ordinary men." They are both nonsense, but so is your arguments against my rule at this time.
Of course your response is that it does not and that women are the supreme rulers of the Earth. My wife agrees with you and I'm hiding away in the basement writing this letter of protest.
Last night during the press conference my wife told me what tie to wear and what kind of smile I must have when the President called me a genious. I am a genious, but I should too be able to decide if I want to wear my favorite Star Wars tie. I am afterall a piece of the Republican "Dark Side" smear machine.
The debate over abortion has never been about making contraceptives illegal, in fact I wish all Liberals parents used at least three different kinds to ensure my extreme far-right viewpoint that has not even been determined yet will reign supreme.
We actually are not that different. I too enjoy lemonade. Could you pass me a cup after the optimistic post about how you wish to destroy my life? What about the lives of my children you wish to destroy too? I had no clue my four year-old son Jack was gay until commenters at The Daily Kos told me so. I have since sent him to 'Gay Camp' to make him straight.
I do appreciate Democrats already labeling me as "restrictive to individual rights," though I find it odd that Amanda wants to make sure "there's not an American alive before this is over that doesn't have the words Griswold v. Connecticut dripping off their lips." I prefer Americans to sing songs of praise for myself and President Bush. We know better than you and we intend to prove it.
Before reading Amanda, I had no clue Americans were pro-choice. I didn't realize the debate throughout the entire country had come to a close, lemonade or not. I too like fish, but I don't think many humans could actually live in a fishbowl. You know, the water makes it difficult to breathe and your skin would prune.
In closing, please remember that all your votes belong to us. It matters not what you say or do, we own the ballot boxes and the voting machines. Send me along some lemonade, but please leave out the Kool-Aid.
Your new SCOTUS ruler,
John Roberts
The evil Protein Wisdom tipped Dirty Kafir to the post and shamelessly added to a Trackback Fest at Outside the Beltway.
Kind of dismal words from an optimist. Anyhow, in the spirit of debate, I found a letter written by John Roberts to Democrats. Please enjoy but realize it is satire.
Dear Democrats,
All that you hold true and dear is not the same that I hold so. I do not seek to overturn Roe v. Wade but I do wish to grant a father to have rights again in this country. Why does a woman have more rights in bearing a child than a man? Does it not take male sperm to create a baby too? You introduce the term "criminalize ordinary women." I'll introduce the term "criminalize ordinary men." They are both nonsense, but so is your arguments against my rule at this time.
Of course your response is that it does not and that women are the supreme rulers of the Earth. My wife agrees with you and I'm hiding away in the basement writing this letter of protest.
Last night during the press conference my wife told me what tie to wear and what kind of smile I must have when the President called me a genious. I am a genious, but I should too be able to decide if I want to wear my favorite Star Wars tie. I am afterall a piece of the Republican "Dark Side" smear machine.
The debate over abortion has never been about making contraceptives illegal, in fact I wish all Liberals parents used at least three different kinds to ensure my extreme far-right viewpoint that has not even been determined yet will reign supreme.
We actually are not that different. I too enjoy lemonade. Could you pass me a cup after the optimistic post about how you wish to destroy my life? What about the lives of my children you wish to destroy too? I had no clue my four year-old son Jack was gay until commenters at The Daily Kos told me so. I have since sent him to 'Gay Camp' to make him straight.
I do appreciate Democrats already labeling me as "restrictive to individual rights," though I find it odd that Amanda wants to make sure "there's not an American alive before this is over that doesn't have the words Griswold v. Connecticut dripping off their lips." I prefer Americans to sing songs of praise for myself and President Bush. We know better than you and we intend to prove it.
Before reading Amanda, I had no clue Americans were pro-choice. I didn't realize the debate throughout the entire country had come to a close, lemonade or not. I too like fish, but I don't think many humans could actually live in a fishbowl. You know, the water makes it difficult to breathe and your skin would prune.
In closing, please remember that all your votes belong to us. It matters not what you say or do, we own the ballot boxes and the voting machines. Send me along some lemonade, but please leave out the Kool-Aid.
Your new SCOTUS ruler,
John Roberts
The evil Protein Wisdom tipped Dirty Kafir to the post and shamelessly added to a Trackback Fest at Outside the Beltway.
posted by Dirty Kafir at
12:55 PM
